I know every article on the internet tells you to run from borderline women, but I do things differently around these parts. My relationship history is full of attractive BPD women. A decade of drama and chaos to put it lightly…. But, I made it out alive and have managed to remain amazing friends with many women who most likely have BPD. I have dated dozens and dozens of women over the years.
How to spot a girl with borderline personality disorder?
I am a mindset coach. I teach men and women to how to have better relationships through mindset training. For example, labeling someone as BPD is a bad mindset. No wonder she cheated on me.
9 Tips on How to Recognize Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder
I should take her back and we can work on it. Not only are you enabling her, but you are also making her a worse person! Unfortunately, this is the society we live in. Relationships are at an all-time toxic level due to poor mindsets. Make the year that you improve your BPD relationships!
BPD is complex issue, much too large for a label. Doing this is a poor way to go about your life. You need to keep in mind that your girlfriend has her own unique upbringing and life experiences. Accept her as she is. This is the struggle of the codependent man. He wants more time, attention and love. However, because women are like cats, she will come and go as she pleases.
You cannot force a woman to do anything. You cannot control her. This is especially true in BPD relationships. If you want your girl to respect youstart by setting her free. Respect and trust are the foundations of any healthy relationship. Most people with poor mindsets become needy and insecure when a woman pulls away. This is what a centered man with great mindsets brings to the table.
Due to past experiences with men, women especially borderlines will pull away. How will you react? Will her behavior expose your insecurities? Will it throw you off your center? Failing her tests will lower her respect for you. So, all women test.The behavior of people with borderline personality disorder is often interpreted as emotional manipulation.
In this time of increased mental health awareness, we have become used to comparisons between physical and psychological conditions. We are told there is no more shame in having a mental illness than in having cancer, that we would not expect someone with a broken leg to just power through it and get on with things, that medicating disorders of the mind is no different than medicating ailments of the body. In many ways, this is true; physical and mental illnesses are indeed equally real and deserve to be treated with the same vigilance.
No one should be shamed for experiencing either. But if your loved one struggles with borderline personality disorder BPDthe comparisons can often fall flat.
For many, one of the most painful parts of loving someone with BPD is the sense of emotional manipulation. Indeed, the idea that people with BPD are maliciously emotionally manipulative is common, causing even some clinicians to avoid working with them. The way your loved one behaves toward you can profoundly fracture your relationship and leave you with deep shame, anger, resentment, and hopelessness. However, what is perceived as emotional manipulation is, in fact, a far more complex phenomenon that comes not from a place of malice, but one of overwhelming distress filtered through profoundly disordered coping skills.
By understanding why people with borderline personality disorder act the way they do, you can gain a better perspective on the nature of their illness and understand why intensive treatment is vital for healing. BPD is inherently about instability. While this instability originates within the person living with BPD, it seeps outward, weaving itself into and coming to define social relationships.
It is within those relationships that the most highly visible symptomatology tends to manifest; unlike mood disorders that may harm relationships in an indirect way, borderline personality disorder targets relationships specifically, making them the prime location of distress.
As Darlene Lancer, a marriage and family therapist, writes :. They may try to bait you into anger, then falsely accuse you of rejecting them, make you doubt reality and your sanity. The cycles of clinginess and rejection, adulation and vilification can be profoundly disorienting and it can feel as if you are walking on eggshells, terrified of making the wrong move. And in their darkest moments, it is not a cutting remark or even a severed relationship you fear, it is the suicide threat turned into action.
The actions of people who have BPD can indeed feel manipulative. As one therapist writes for Psychology Today :. A person with BPD could function, when symptomatic, only in the world where everybody loves her like her own mother, unconditionally and patiently.
In other words, what is perceived as manipulation is, in fact, a desperate attempt to cope with the overwhelming fears of abandonment and rejection that sit at the heart of borderline personality disorder.How To Spot Female Borderlines - 5 Traits Of Female Borderline Personality
Rather than manipulation, Dr. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement. The tragedy of BPD is that it runs on such solipsism that it inverts me as a person.By admin On May 30th, I tend to be triggered in a particular emotional way when I encounter someone struggling with BPD.
Personality disorders are enduring as the name suggests, it is part of your fixed self, so a responsible clinician would not be quick to diagnose an individual with one.
Change is possible with the right kind of treatment, and, yet, personality disorders are known for being difficult to treat. For a non-clinical layperson, it may be helpful to know the characteristics of BPD.
It often helps us realize that the problem lies with the other person. If we know the signs, we can also have a bit more empathy for the person with BPD as well as protect ourselves with appropriate boundary setting.
Berman describes two tenets of BPD are the difficulty the individual has processing information it is often skewed in a negative way and unstable relationships with others one minute the person may love you and the next they may be screaming at you. Once you understand that these behaviors are part of a disorder, it might be easier to avoid taking the actions of the individual personally.
Encourage the person to seek treatment. It is often a relief for the individual to receive a diagnosis of BPD in that they can name what they have been suffering from, and, with their therapist, find coping strategies in order to work toward a healthier and happier life.
The person puts you on a pedestal. People with BPD often see the world in black and white with everything or a whole person being either all good or all bad. This will manifest in rapidly changing physical appearance or constantly changing interests or career pursuits. An inability to handle abandonment, either real or imagined, is another sign of someone with BPD.
The person has made attempts to end his or her life or engages in self-harming behaviors. It is important to note here that people with BPD are times more likely to complete suicide, so these threats must always be taken seriously and reported to or the nearest emergency department.
The person reacts to situations with intense emotions, often rage over something that most people would be able to let go. The person may report feelings of constant emptiness and unimportance. The person has a lot of paranoid thoughts about people talking negatively about them or working against them. The individual tends to act impulsively, and in ways that are potentially harmful to them i.
If you think a friend or family member might be dating or have married a Borderline, please let them know about this article. It may literally save a life. What can I say this article reveals what I had suspected as the result of the negative way I was and still am being treated by my ex. Everything said in this article and your website about the BPD personality is exactly as I experienced it with her then and now. Thank you for helping me to realize that people like her really are suffering from a devestating and debilitating desease which eventually will destroy the family and sadly will adversely affect the child.
Just to give you a tidbit; she walked away on her own back in with the intentions of hooking back up with an old ex-boyfriend whom she eventually married she accidentally left behind his telephone number on a sheet of paper I found under our master bed. The day she left she was carrying my daughter in her tummy she was 7 months pregnant.
I had just got us into a new home after dropping out of college in my senior year and traveling one thousand miles to come to be with her and my child. Within 7 months of me giving everything up to make it right in the best interest of our family and children she made her getaway to her new boyfriend. Five years later in she sues me for child support. I have had no visitations with my children in 7 years, it is now May Fear of having to deal with a such a vindictive and mentally unstable individual and as you already know all too well having to deal with a biased and therefore corrupt family court system has kept me from taking any action; because as you so clearly reveal here about these types of personalities -they- can- be- disastrously- harmful- when- angered.
I chose the path of no contact, also, because I had very little faith that anyone really cared. But the first sad fact of the matter is that people who suffer from these illnesses are protected by a corrupt and self ingratiating family court system of which Carol Rhodes aptly reveals.
The second is that the people who work in this corrupt system and who are mostly and purposely inflicting mental and emotional distress on innocent parents- are human- just like us and they too often must live with familiar situations when they face similar circumstances. It is sad for her. And most BPDs do act like the article states, they hate themselves and are very jelous of everyone. It has obviously opened my mind to suffering from both the receiving and originating ends of this disorder.
Bone up on your boundary skills — I sure have. Having met and dealt with 2 ladies with this problem, I have some advice for you. How she will get you sucked in will be to mirror your lifestyle. Your passion and lifestyle is hers. So you see who she really is and that turns you off. They live from one rebound to the next rebound. Your role now: Know yourself!. She came into your life to leave eventually.
So, live happy.She enjoys nothing better than when you spiral into the outer orbits with her. Ending an abusive and toxic relationship is a healthy choice.
Why do you feel guilty for not wanting to be abused and jerked around? Many women and men with borderline personality disorders are virtuosos at playing the poor little me victim role. Many Borderlines fear abandonment, yet their behaviors seem designed to drive others away.
I feel most sorry for the people who are on the receiving end of their more abusive and crazy-making behaviors. Again, her greatest fear is abandonment, yet her toxic relationship behaviors drive people away. Borderlines generally resort to name calling and verbal degradation, which they then justify by wrongly accusing you of doing all sorts of horrible things from insensitivity to infidelity.
For example, after her most recent thermonuclear meltdown, you try to talk to her about the verbal grenades and false accusations she lobbed at you. You must be imagining things. This also serves to invalidate your feelings and experiences. It is abuse. You have a right to feel angry, hurt and frustrated. You have a right to be treated with respect, kindness and stability. Want to Say Goodbye to Crazy?
Buy it HERE. Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes.
Tornado by Bakko Brat on flickr. You have my sympathy, Deep. You must really love her to stay with her. I hope you have a good support system and are taking care of yourself rather than getting sucked into her bottomless pit of un-meet-able needs. The article was amazing. Though, the info I just read describes my girl elecquently during one of her episodes. I thought I was crazy, but you made me believe otherwise with your article.
I will continue my relationship in hopes of overcoming BPD or at least putting it into check. Thank you Dr.
I stumbled upon this website while searching for how I was feeling. I realized that what I was feeling and have been experiences for over 20 years and 4 kids is that there really is a problem and that im not the blame for it. For along time now I was trying to figure out what could the problem be. I was thinking that it was totally me because financially things havent been that good for me.
But on the other hand Im thinking no matter how much money I have. I dont think it would change the relatiionship. MOst of your articles here talk about how to get away from a person like this. One of your articles said writing about it would make you feel better. I have many years of experiencing this type of stuff. I have been down and depressed for some time. Its a little easier to deal with.Paddy is in love. There are times [when our relationship] has plummeted to the depths whereby we were both ready to give up.
A flicker of joy and recognition. The person they knew and love is still there, somewhere deep down inside. Those moments are what the person longs for. Still, to Paddy, it is worth it.
Understanding BPD Emotional Manipulation Techniques and How Treatment Can Help
But it is nowhere near as hard as being the one with BPD. My girlfriend is not a burden, her BPD is. For most, it may hold little that feels inspirational. Hearing someone else share your struggles and negotiate the realities of the illness can be both comforting and illuminating.
Borderline Personality Disorder is a chronic and complex mental health disorder marked by instability, and interpersonal relationships are often the stage on which this instability plays out. Barbara Greenberga clinical psychologist who treats patients with BPD, explains:. Often, this emptiness and intense fear of abandonment are the result of early childhood trauma and the absence of secure, healthy attachments in the vital formative years. Paradoxically, the overwhelming fear manifests in behaviors that deeply disrupt the relationship and pushes partners away rather than pulls them closer, resulting in a stormy and tumultuous dynamic that typically emerges in the early days of dating.
When they are in relationships they get very intensely involved way too quickly. Everything is done with passion, but it goes from being very happy and passionate to very disappointed and rageful. Prior to her diagnosis, her boyfriend, Thomas, used to blame himself for her hot and cold behavior.
Although each person has their own unique experience, these are some common thought patterns people with BPD tend to have:. Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them, so I always lose everyone I care about—despite the desperate things I try to do to stop them from leaving me.
These thoughts may be completely at odds with your own perception of your partner, but it is imperative to understand that for them, they are very real, and can drive them toward extreme and seemingly irrational behavior.
Navigating through this emotional minefield can be difficult and painful for both of you, but knowing that their thoughts and behaviors are the product of intensely powerful perceptional distortions deeply rooted in their mental health disorder, rather than a reflection of your own shortcomings, can bring some comfort. For Thomas, educating himself about BPD helped him move from self-blame to empathy and compassion:.
There are a lot of nuances, complexities, and lines to be read through with BPD, but mostly I see Borderline Personality Disorder as an illness about pain, fear, and struggling to cope with all of that. But the common conception is just [that they are] crazy, which is an extraordinarily damaging misconception to those who suffer from it.
Unfortunately, the misconceptions surrounding borderline personality disorder often lead people to assume relationships with those who suffer from the condition are doomed to fail. In part, this is spurred by the myth that BPD is untreatable, a false but prevalent belief that can too often remove hope. In reality, with the right treatment, many people with BPD can learn to manage their symptomsand a substantial number achieve remission to the point where they no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for the illness.
By integrating specialized BPD therapies like Dialectical Behavior Therapy with other evidence-based clinical and holistic therapies within the context of a comprehensive treatment plan, it is possible to disrupt the emotional and behavioral instability of BPD and establish inner tranquility.
Along with individual and group therapies, couples therapy is often an integral part of healing from BPD, as individuals and as a team. With the guidance of an experienced therapist who understands the unique challenges presented by BPD, you can create strategies for supporting your partner and yourself while nurturing and fortifying your relationship.
As Dr. Because their emotion is all there, and acting that way is all they know, and then when you show them an easier way to be, and to act, they see how much easier life can be. At Bridges to Recovery, we specialize in diagnosing and treating psychiatric and emotional issues such as borderline personality disorder.Before we get started, let me make a few things clear. What I have to say is not designed to demonize women, or men for that matter, who have personality disorders.
The content here is designed to benefit those who have been victimized by personality disordered individuals and to arm those who may encounter them in the future. There are claims that the work is stigmatizing. There are allegations that I am causing people with personality disorders to feel bad about themselves; that I am callously insensitive to those suffering from those disorders.
Allow me to make it clear here that I do not give a damn about those complaints. It is not because I am insensitive or callous. And it is not because I wish to demonize or stigmatize people with personality disorders or anyone else for that matter. The purpose of my work here is to offer support and information to the victims of personality disordered individuals, particularly male victims.
And if you look through the complaints levied against me, you will see that they validate what I have been saying all along. People with personality disorders have an unfortunate tendency to abuse people, then demand sympathy from their victims. That attitude will not get any sympathy here or any more of my time. There are countless online and real world resources for people with personality disorders, many of them an enabling part of the problem. I am going to talk here in straightforward, blunt terms, to and about victims.
And I mean real victims; namely, the people who endure physical and emotional abuse, false allegations, constant drama and hysteria, and the grinding tension that marks the lives of those who live with personality disordered individuals. If you have a personality disorder, I wish you luck in getting the support and treatment you need. Look for it elsewhere. If you choose to come here demanding attention and sympathy in an environment designed to offer those things to the people you have victimized, then it is very likely that I will delete your comments and prevent you from commenting here in the future.
The best thing anyone can do to prevent the havoc a disordered personality can inflict on your life is to prevent contact with them as much as possible. Stay away from people with personality disorders much in the way you would stay away from heroin addicts, meth heads, pedophiles, and pyromaniacs.